Iris the Cat, part 2

There were multiple occasions that Iris found herself airborne on a trajectory toward the small strip of grass in the back of my apartment building. Usually it was because she would not stop meowing, but on more than one occasion it was because she would casually approach me, looking for what I thought to be a nice little kitty cuddle.

She would hop up on my lap and roll around, knead my legs a little to get comfortable and immediately begin to purr. "How nice, maybe cats are not awful after all." Then, the little tramp would stop purring and pee on me.

Of course, I decided that she must have some sort of illness, because a cat would never be so malicious as to pee on a person, especially not one as great as me. So, I saved up my tips again and carried her in a laundry basket to the vet.

They were unimpressed.

"You know she could jump out of your car really easily from that laundry basket."

"Fingers crossed!" 

"We have some carrying boxes you can use to get her home."

"Great. She keeps peeing on me."

After about 15 minutes, a shot, and $200, the mystery was solved: Iris was covered in fleas and allergic to their bites. She tested negative for everything else, so the peeing issue was behavioral and they could prescribe an antidepressant. 

Yeah right. I was taking kava kava and St. John's Wort as a poor person's cure for the time i like to refer to as "the dark days." If anyone was getting an anti depressant in this situation it was not the damn cat.

We returned home, broke, depressed, and defeated. I had become the owner of a neurotic, depressed, and apparently very vindictive cat. I felt kinda bad for her and obviously I felt horrible for myself. The answer: some fancy feast and ice cream. Away I went to the store.

As I walked back into the apartment with our loot and a plan to watch the Notebook on Netflix, I noticed an odd smell. 

Iris the cat had shit right in the middle of my bed. She was crouched in the corner of the apartment with what I can only assume was a smirk on her face. I grabbed her and she hissed. As I headed to throw her out the door, she peed all over me. 

"You piece of shit!" should have been the last words she ever heard, but revenge was much, much sweeter. I gave her to Rita, the crazy Russian.